Busy!!

My gosh these kids keep me busy. I never really thought about it much before I was pregnant with my third and trying to educate and keep these two clean, fed, entertained, learning, rested, etc. Today just as I'm sitting down to paint with the kids and they decide they are finished painting and now they want to ride their bikes I realize how all I do is set up and clean up after these two. I can also see how moms often feel like they can't provide all the stimulation their kids need and opt to send them to school. I feel lucky that Andy and I agree on what we want for our kids as far as education goes and that we have the means to provide that. And selfishly, I love being the one to see the pride on their faces as they discover the world.

This pregnancy is going well, I feel good. I am tired a lot though and that's taken a toll on my patience level with the kids. I am trying to make myself go to bed early so I can be my best with them. Here are some pics from the last two days of my two discovering their world. T. has been painting "scary" pictures "like Vincent Van Gogh's". I think he is right on the brink of discovering the reality of death. He caught a tiny toad the other day and he liked it so much that he held onto it for a long time. I was busy cleaning the pool and didn't realize how long he had it in his sweaty little fist until it was too late. He almost got really sad and I was scared that it was coming, the realization that he had killed it and it would not ever be alive again. But then he calmly decided that he would put it in the mulch in case it started jumping again and that was that. But there have been questions lately and I know he's right there. For some kids I guess death isn't much of an issue and doesn't cause them any anxiety so I hope that is the case with him but I can see how it might cause him a lot of stress, he's that sort of a boy.

We've lost our homeschooling classmates, Amanda has decided to go back to work and put S. in a nice private school nearby. We are lonely some days and I sense that T. really needs some boy activities. We are going to try martial arts and see if he likes doing that, I might also try out a tumbling class as he's always asking to go to gymnastics. I've pretty much given up hope on finding other like-minded home schoolers in our area but who knows, it could happen.

I've complained quite a bit lately about how difficult R. is for me these days. She is intensely independent and intensely needy, intensely emotional and loving and angry and happy. She is teaching me a lot about myself and how to be a better person: more patient and forgiving of myself and fun loving and in the moment and less controlling. Yes, I am learning to give up some control to the 2 year old little person who can handle it. I keep telling myself, " she'll make one hell of a woman some day, one very cool, fierce, intense, loving woman someday".